Today’s write-up is both a note to self and to everyone out there who goes through, or is currently going through a struggle with their skin. Skin infections are one of the hardest things to go through; it’s a confidence crusher. Today, I’m sharing my experiences with skin reactions and telling you and I to embrace our skins.
This year particularly, my skin has been through a lot! What’s hilarious to this day is it’s timing.
I do not know whether to say it came at the perfect time, because there is nothing perfect about it’s occurrence, but yeah, it came about a week after the lockdown was announced.
I used to have itchy rashes that will come and then go after about ten minutes and then come again after sometime, it was like a cycle; just recurring. Whenever it appeared on my skin, I will feel a weird sensation through my body, like a mild electric shock, my ears suddenly start to feel hot, as though it was placed under something heated. This; along with the itching, made me feel uncomfortable.
I know it was careless, but I never visited the dermatologist, it felt to me like just another skin reaction in a different form. My mum was my doctor, LOL. We would look up things on the internet; like what exactly it was that I had, what I could have been reacting to; to avoid it completely, and what to use on it; how to cure it.
We both did suspect it was hives, it showed all the signs. It may have been something else, but I immediately started using skin reaction creams.
The last time I had a rash on my skin was last month (november). But yeah, I had a tough eight months.
I’ve always had sensitive skin, my skin reacts to things you’d never imagine it will react to.
When you have a skin like mine, you literally will develop OCD, you’d be irritatingly careful and fastidious about everything. It will annoy even you, but you just know you have to be careful about a lot; what you eat, what you touch, who touches you, changing your bedsheets regularly, and all that stuff. People may find you irritable.
Skin problems can play with your confidence. With my type of skin, if it’s not a rash, then it’s that my face looks swollen, my features look bigger than usual.
Sometimes you’re looking forward to the next day, maybe it should be an exciting day, so you wake up all chirpy, and then you suddenly see ‘the enemy’ on your skin. It’s like “where did this come from”, “when did it happen”. And so you either sit at home or hide it wearing longsleeves; if it can be hidden, that still never stops the itching, but it’s like “atleast people don’t get a scare”.
I mostly stayed at home those eight months, it did feel like the best thing for me. I rarely went out, and when I did, I’d pray earnestly that it doesn’t come out.
Something weird always happened: the few times I went out to a meeting or church, wherever, and I was distracted by the activities, I was really free of it that period, I wouldn’t see a rash, but the moment I start having thoughts about the reaction, it starts to show.
It made me know that apprehensiveness and constant thinking about it, made it worse. I needed to relax my nerves, feel safe and secure in my self; in my skin.
Been mostly at home, it was easier to keep it away from people’s eyes and treat it peacefully. But on the days before the lockdown, when I’d have skin reactions, I used to feel really down, really angsty about the many questions people will ask me on what’s happening to my skin, so I will almost always cover it up.
Putting my ordeal with people in my journal, I realized how silly I have been. I realized my anxieties were more than just me not liking the fact that my skin was acting up, those anxieties were more about what I felt people will say or think about me.
It was more about people’s opinions on whether I was pretty enough that day, how disgusting or scary my skin was. Even though it was beyond my control.
Naturally, no one likes to see their features looking bigger, or see their skin acting up, we all like to feel beautiful, less flawed.
Still, our insecurities are mainly because of people’s stares, people’s whisper’s or opinions about our appearance. Because if people’s prying eyes didn’t matter to us, if we didn’t give it a thought, then we will make peace with the fact that whatever is happening to us is natural and beyond our control. And even if we helped to trigger it, we will be more concerned about healing, than people’s opinions.
You know, I feel a little hypocritical writing this, because I’m guilty of seeking people’s validation on what I look like and feeling insecure on the days I feel my face or any part of my skin is flawed.
Truth be told, I’m not there yet. Self confidence isn’t the easiest trait to embody. Although these days, I’m gradually accepting the fact that I may always have sensitive skin, and that self confidence which I really believe comes from self love is really all I need. And so I’m learning to love and accept myself on both the days where my skin starts to act up; where my features are bigger than usual and on the days my skin looks perfect.
I’d personally be visiting the dermatologist soon, because I think it’s important to run tests, and seek professional help. So please when you have skin infections, unlike me, visit the dermatologist, especially when it lingers.
Dear girls, dear boys and dear me! Love yourselves, love your flaws, love and accept your imperfections, embrace them.
And above all, know that God loves you.
He loves you and your massive pimples. He loves you and your bags, He loves you and your pronounced nose, you and your dull skin.
Lastly, take good care of your skin, observe a skin care routine; even if all it is, is just you washing your face once or twice a day. Study your skin, and keep away from things that may trigger an infection. Play your little part and be patient with yourself; with your skin. Don’t overthink it!
Merry Christmas in advance!!!
*What do you think about today’s thought? What advice do you have for people struggling with insecurities and self acceptance? Have you made a decision to love yourself? Do you mind sharing some ordeals you have had with people on the days your skin was acting up?*
The End
Enun's Musings 